Trying to work through my faith (Part 1)

I have no false illusion that people are hanging on my every word, waiting to find out how I feel about faith(or anything else for that matter)...but bear with me. Much of this blog is for me, as it is for anyone else that may stumble upon it. And indeed, I think it will help me to put it all out in writing. So while this may or may not help you in your faith, whether it be to help you figure out what you think or further entrench you in your own belief, please indulge me slash ignore me.

My faith is....unconventional. It even makes my wife angry when I start to talk about anything that deviates from strict bible teachings. I haven't read the bible, at least not cover to cover, so that may automatically discount my beliefs in many people's eyes. And that's ok...it certainly makes sense. But it makes just as much sense to me (at the present time) that I don't strictly follow the bible even having not read it cover to cover. This first part, of who knows how many a part-series, will talk about my growing up in faith and my current ground works for my current beliefs...up until my first "snag" as it were.

I should start off by declaring that I unequivocally and unabashedly believe in God, though you may already know that from previous posts. I grew up in a small town in Illinois. I went to church regularly when I was little, to the First Christian Church, which I'm guessing is almost like Baptist. It was mostly at the insistence of my Mother, but I still went and learned. When I was in High School, and perhaps at the end of Junior High, I stopped going...my Mother stopped making me. I wouldn't stay I stopped believing, in fact, I think I still prayed regularly at night, but I just stopped going to Church.

The thing is...it was sorta like a passive belief. I believed, but partly because I was told to. I listened, however, every time my Mom would say, "Thank God for (this)" or "God did (this activity) for us" or "What if God wouldn't have put me here to help these people".

And then...I was shot in the face with a pellet gun at close range when I was in high school...by a good friend's younger brother. The pellet tore through my cheek and slammed into one of my rear teeth. That was it. I had a hole in my cheek, but other than an aching tooth for a few weeks, I was fine.

That's when it hit me, even before my Mom ran through the scenarios over and over, God was with me that day. I could have lost an eye, shattered a cheekbone, or even been shot in the temple and died...but all I had was a hole in my cheek. Now any atheist will jump right on pure randomness and luck...and that's fine if that's how they want to explain it. To me...on that day...God, or maybe more accurately, Angels, were with me to protect me and ensure that I endured the minimum amount of pain is what could have been much, much worse. And I still believe it to this day.

THAT'S when I truly started believing. I didn't go back to church...not for years...but I could honestly say, without a shadow of doubt, that I was a Believer as of that day. The Baptists would say that was the day I was Saved, but that's something I'll touch in a bit.

So over the years, my belief has never wavered. I didn't start going to church again until my first daughter was born. And to be honest, I don't go very much now, but that's because of my work schedule.

I should disclose, before I start with my belief system, that I draw quite a bit of influence in my train of thought from Sylvia Browne. She's a psychic who gives all the praise for her gift to God. She is/was on the Montel Williams show many, many times. To watch her do her work is to watch God's glory shining brightly through earthly deeds. She is the one who started me thinking about sin, or the lack thereof, in God's eyes. Some, and perhaps even much, of my belief comes from her. But even as she always says, and the Bible does too, search for and ask questions for yourself...don't just go on blind faith of someone else's thoughts/beliefs. So while I haven't fully researched things on my own, I have certainly thought things through on my own...and here's what I'm coming up with...

So my big starter is...I don't believe in the notion of sin. I've talked about that before, but I wanted to reiterate it here and explain why I don't believe in sin, and then move on to my subsequent train of thought.

I should take a quick step back, and say why, even though the bible speaks of Sin, do I not believe in it. I am taking this from Sylvia Browne in her book, The Mystical Life of Jesus, that the Bible has been changed throughout the centuries to meet the needs of those in power. Sylvia cites examples from specific texts that I may or may not agree with (it doesn't matter), but it just makes sense to me that throughout the centuries people who want to rule and/or scare others, can easily do it through the bible, and will have it changed to fit their needs...even if not in dramatic fashion. I can't explain it...I certainly have no proof...it just makes sense to me. To me, Sin is a notion that creates fear that world leaders centuries ago could use to get people to do what they want. It may have been added, it may have been changed in translation, or it may have been in the Bible from the beginning, but the following explains why I discount the notion of Sin...

So...we are God's childern...he's our Father. He created us in His image. As a father, who has had multiple kids, who would never deny them my love for anything, who didn't create them with the sense that they owe me something (be it their love or anything else)...I find it impossible to believe that our Father, God, would create us with the first breath we take, owing him our love and devotion, otherwise he would deny us his love (allowing us into Heaven). I just can't fathom it. It's something no one will be able to convince me of. I would actually hope that any parent would feel this way...if they dig down deep and ponder it. If he made us like him...and it's not in our, as a parent, realm of possibility to deny our kids our love...they why is it hard to believe he would do the opposite?

Now that's from the Baptist point of view...who believe that you're a sinner from the moment you are born. Even from the Catholic point of view, who believe that you earn your way into Heaven through good deeds...Do parents believe that their kids EARN their love?? No. We give our love to our kids regardless of what they do. They may make us more or less proud, based on their actions, but the love remains the same. So why would our good deeds be what gets us into Heaven? Of course God is proud of us providing good deeds, but he loves us just as much if we don't perform as many good deeds as he'd like.

SO...now the snag.

If there is no Sin...they why was Jesus sent to earth, if not to ultimately die for our sins?? That's the current million dollar question that I'm pondering and I'll hopefully discuss in Part 2. If Jesus didn't come to bear our Sins, what was he here for?

Feel free to comment on that, or your thoughts on anything in this post so far. Dissertations are welcome. :)